Walk away from the sun, come slowly undone

          FALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL


Go boom.

in leaves.

I reach peace.

Haso.

-- The end.

I was told by my English teacher that my creative writing story was too far fetched and inappropriate for class.  I told her very respectfully to bite my ass.  No, I didn't, but I wanted to.  I would be justified.  What the heck am I paying these people for?  Boy when women finally get the right to vote are they going to be in trouble!!

I was roped into dressing up for Halloween.  I am not going as anything slutty.  I figure if you want to be a slut why stop at Halloween - do the decent thing and be one all year round.

No, seriously, I like sluts!  Good Lord my head is killing me.

Autumn! My old nemesis we meet again! The sun is going to go away and everything is going to get depressing!

I get my energy from the sun.

    To whom it may concern,

            I respectfully refuse this as monday morning.  I don't like it, and I don't want it, please take it back and give it to me in a couple of days.  Whoever thought, that was a long enough weekend is clearly on something, and I don't like it.  Please don't make me go to school.

I hate you mondays.  Sooooo hard.

Salome.

I spent all morning going between the police station, doctors, and then the house in Manhattan, oh and then the pharmacists.  I am slowly tying up all the lose ends that were left when my dad disappeared, he left a huge mess that I wasn't even aware of and so now I have to sit down with the lawyers and some how figure it out.  I think I'll ask them when he can be declared legally dead.  Not that I want him to be dead, but how long am I suppose to wait to see if he ever comes back?  Plus there are a lot of things I can't do with him still alive.

Gosh that sounds really horrible.  Fuck it, I am tired.  Whoops, my language.  Arg.

I'm selling the house, I am selling everything, it's all gone.  The only thing that might not go is the house down in Nassau, everything else is gone, burn it all down for all I care.  The money will go for my college fund and Jonba's, not to mention any other children I might have in the future.  I was also thinking of putting money into a special fund.

( locked )

School has proposed a new routine, and with me in school, Grandma has started to take Jonba to this little daycare in town.  He's playing with kids his age and a little older, so he can get use to social interaction with other kids.  Preschool is just next fall, and then, kindergarten.  So Jonba comes home with a whole bunch of new words and sometimes unsavory behavior, he's still a good kid, just with more germs.  He's got a bit of a cold.

Life is insane.  I want Oreos.  Awhhh the little sun has a watermelon!

" . . . Plato, who, in the thirty-ninth paragraph of the Tinaeus, claims that once their diverse velocities have achieved an equilibrium, the seven planets will return to their initial point of departure in a cycle that constitutes the perfect year. . .

If the planetary periods are cyclical, so must be the history of the universe; at the end of each Platonic year, the same individuals will be born again and will live out the same destinies. . . .

[in regards to the Platonic year]  Lucilio Vanini wrote, . . . 'Nothing exists today that did not exist long ago; what has been, shall be, but all of that in general, and not (as Plato establishes) in particular.' "

        Circular Time, Jorge Luis Borges.


"The future is inevitable and exact, but it may not happen.  God lies in wait in the intervals."

I had a dream about Hiro when I fell asleep today.  First we were in a very big school watching Tyra Banks playing a Star Wars video game (she was actually very, very good.)  While we were there it turned into something of a shopping mall and we were passing dirty notes.  While I was in the section  of clothing that was all white (and variations of that white) I was watching a girl in nothing but a pink towel look through clothes.  She was freaking stunning, great body, still wet from the shower and I was writing to Hiro about how much I'd like to invite her home with us.  She started getting very worked up, and we kept exchanging looks until it was almost like I was just telling her what I wanted to do to her, just by thinking it.

Sometime while I was doing that, Hiro appeared and told me that he was from the future (lol wut?) and that if I wanted to continue I actually had to go over there and say something to her.  I did and . .  .

The dream jumped to this series of shops in the basement of a building.  I know it, I use to go there every morning before school for hot chocolate and a bagel.  Anyway, Hiro is making Chinese food (Sorry IDK) and I am getting my nails done by this woman who seems very nice until she takes off her shoes and I see her nails.  They are inverted American flags and she tells me how every single non-white person is the devil and it's gods will to see that every single minority is wiped out.  YIKES!  That's freaking crazy talk.  And no matter how nice someone looks, that talk isn't nice.

So I let her finish my nails and leave before she can give me a tattoo (I have no idea, it was very anti-minorities too) and get out of there.  The next thing I know, crazy-I'm-going-to-kill-every-non-white-in-America starts hitting on Hiro.  Once again I do that funny trick where I talk to him through my thoughts and tell him that the only way she'd want him is. . . I dunno roasting over a fire or swinging from a tree.


Then I woke up.  I am tired again, O and what's up with getting cock blocked in a DREAM?!  Leave it to my brain to leave out the good stuff.

    Is anything ever really yours?  Have you ever really thought about it?  I mean, look around you.  Name one thing that you can truly possess, that isn't going to die, isn't going to fall apart.

People pass away, object break, get lost or stolen.  What is truly yours?  It's easy to not care about the material things, and sometimes, even people.  But when you give yourself the impression that something is actually yours?  Losing them is the scariest thing in the whole world.

Maybe Elizabeth Blake was wrong, the art of losing isn't easy.  It's just something we all get use to.

On a more metaphysical note, Jonba is asleep in a box.



Call me, call me,
Let me know it's all right.
Call me, call me,
Don'cha think it's 'bout time?

I wanna go to the golden triangle!  In Thailand, not the bad Chinese restaurant near school. 

I had a dream that I was in a beach house with strangers, everything seemed normal, but there was something wrong. Weird things started to happen around the house, the lights kept going on and off, things would disappear and the weather outside turned cold. Someone outside started to dig under the porch and things started to get colder, in fact it started to snow. As more sand was pushed aside a body was reveled, half decayed, bloated, lips and the bottom half of the face pulled back to show off their teeth, like they were smiling.

It was like Pandora's box. Everyone could feel the evil coming off of the body. They went back inside, they went back and they wanted to leave, but they couldn't. The colder it got the more the wind picked up and from the ocean rose a monster, a Leviathan, and as it came out of the water it destroyed the house, forcing anyone left out into the cold.  The monster got the rest of them as they ran away.

Secrets that are buried rarely ever stay that way.