my horoscope

[sweetsalome]

Leo July 23 - August 22

Late summer is a good time for you to step back and take stock of your life. Coincidentally, early fall is a good time to explore dignified methods of suicide.

. . .

Comments

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

...

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

You should read yours! Laughs hard.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Where is this?

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

A newspaper called The Onion

Aries March 21 - April 19

Though you are a vindictive, cruel, and miserable son of a bitch, you will be rewarded with great happiness and good fortune this week. This is just how the universe works.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

*Grinning.* We are getting married this week?

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Looks around and then shrugs. You want to?

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Not really. I want our big weddings with all our families. Maybe it just means I will get a cookie.

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Cookie, wedding, six of one, half dozen of the other. I'm too tired to even think of something like that anyway.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Oh no, you are not coming down with Jonba's cold, are you?

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

No, just general tiredness, school, taking care of Jonba, that kind of stuff. It's not a big deal. Just life.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

*He pulls her close and starts to play with her hair.* You should take a nap. I will be here.

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, you are trying to put me under your spell. . .She wraps her arms around him, and puts her head on his shoulder. If I nap now, you'll ruin my sleep.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

That is right. I am a sorcerer and I will steal your heart away and keep it for myself. We could exercise to keep you awake.

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Chuckles. You already have my heart, it is completely your. I am not doing jumping jacks to stay awake.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

And you have mine. No jumping jacks? How about touching toes?

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Only if they touch yours.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

You want to play stand-up footsies?

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Ooohhh! She puts her hand to her mouth. How scandalous! Are you propositioning me?!

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

*He leers at her.* I am only offering a modest proposal. Certainly nothing ever happened from a game of footsie... *His eyebrows waggle up and down.*

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Ohhh golly! She plays the part of an innocent young woman very well when need be. I don't know, Hiro, mother warned me about men like you!

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Oh surely your mother never said that I would do anything. I am not like other men who play footsie to toy with a young lady's feelings.

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Well she didn't mention you by name specifically. . .Fluttering of lashes, distress, classic damsel behavior. Gee wilikers! I am in a pickle, I guess a little footsie wouldn't hurt!

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

And you may find you like it. *He's back to waggling his eyebrows.*

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Oooo! But I thought liking things was sinful! You can almost hear the organ music playing in the background.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

You like your friends - that is not sinful. You like carrots - also not a sin. You like hugs, do you not? They are not sinful either. Liking footsie is just like that. *He could twirl his mustache at this point, if he had one.*

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Ooooh I guess you have a point. Clasping her hands together she puts them to her cheek. Then it must not be wrong! You'll have to promise to be gentle, Count Nakamura!

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

I will be very gentle. *He toes off his shoes.* We will start with socks on...

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Now she's just trying hard not to laugh as she toes her own shoes off. I don't look fat in these socks, do I?

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

Of course not! Do not worry your pretty head about that at all. You have very slender, pretty feet. *His toes are gently playing with hers.* See! Is this not fun?

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Oooh! Mr. Nakamura you say the nicest things! Giggling she pushes her toes forward so they rub up against his. I like it, it's very fun.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

*He begins to gently pull her socks off her feet with his toes.* A lot of fun.

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

She tries so hard not to giggle, but it does kind of giggle. Oh no! I'll be naked! No one has ever seen me without my socks! I'll be scandalized! Even as she protests she wiggles her feet out of her socks.

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

No one will ever know. *He sounds absolutely lewd, but trying to sound sincere. He definitely would be twirling his mustache if he had one.* I will be gentle...

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Oh my! Whatever shall I dooo? Eyelashes flutter, and she grabs his socks with her toes, slowly tugging them off. Let me see what you're hiding, Mr. Nakamura . . .

[powered-otaku.livejournal.com]

*Hiro lets her pull off his socks, slyly smirking the entire time.* Is it as good for you as it is for me?

[terry-crabtree.livejournal.com]

Gemini May 21 - June 21
Joy and meaning will return to your life this week when you discover a wondrous and magical substance your dealer calls "Angel Dust."

I normally don’t support horoscope readings, but for ones that recommend suicide and drug use I might make an exception.

[sweetsalome.livejournal.com]

Heheehehehe I liked the one about the crying man. But they are actually all really good.

I really don't see how you could go wrong.